Two writhing bodies fell in a tangled heap onto the sofa. Hands pulled desperately at clothing and tearing sounds were met with grunts of approval as a stubborn shirt was flung onto the ground.
"Jim...shit..do that some more..Oh *hell*!"
" Oh...oh...we need some lube...uh!"
"Lube? What for?"
Jim Ellison pulled back from his position of gnawing on Blair Sandburg's left shoulder, "Well, to er...kind of make the 'slopes slippery'."
"What the fuck you talking about?"
"You know, to 'let Mr Happy ride home more easily'."
"Jim," Blair moved into lecture mode, "If you mean to shove up my ass, just *say* so."
"Okay, to shove up your ass."
"What kind of lube?"
"I don't know."
"You're 'Mr Experience' around here, Jim."
"Shit, Sandburg, I've done this *once* before when I was in the army. I was out of my head drunk and I was catching not pitching, okay?"
Blair sighed, "Well what do you suggest we use?"
"I don't know."
"You haven't thought this through very carefully have you, Jim?"
"Neither have you, Mr 'Analyse-it-to-death Sandburg'!"
"But this wasn't *my* idea, you're the one who moved into Sentinel rutting mode this evening."
"And you were the one flashing your ass at everyone in Major Crimes. You asked for it!"
"I 'asked for it'?"
"Yeah," Jim pouted.
"So, by dancing with Rhonda at the P.D annual awards ceremony, I was 'asking' to be manhandled by some big, dumb cop?"
"I did not 'manhandle' you. I just groped a little."
"Jim, you had your hands down my pants before we got to the truck."
"And you didn't exactly fight me off did you?"
"What was I supposed to do, scream rape?"
"So, you didn't want this?" Jim became serious for a moment.
Blair sighed heavily realizing that he'd almost blown this before they'd gotten anywhere, "Of course I want this, Jim. I'd have told you if I hadn't and I know you'd have backed off. All I meant was, you hadn't really thought this through as an option for tonight's festivities had you?"
"Well...no, I guess not."
"So, do you have any suggestions as to what we use?"
"Sandburg, did I ever tell you that, that particular tone of voice is the biggest turn off there is?"
"What tone would that be?"
"That's the one again, 'superior and lecturing'."
"'Superior and lecturing'? Bullshit!"
"That's another thing about you, you refuse to believe that you can be a smart ass, but you can and you are."
Blair shoved at Jim, "Get off me you big ape, we're going to clear this up once and for *all* time..."
"I think we just had our first 'lovers tiff'."
"We're not actually 'lovers' yet, Jim, since we haven't 'loved'..if you get my drift."
"Shit, you're right, we're not."
"And whose fault is that?" Blair sighed dramatically.
"Don't start with me again, Sandburg."
"Come on man, I'm going off the boil! What can we use?"
"Er." Jim looked around blankly, "There's butter in the fridge?"
"Jim this is sex, not cookery."
"Well how about that hand cream we don't use in the bathroom cabinet?"
Blair wrinkled his nose, "Oh man, that cheap stuff? It was gross!"
"Considering where it's headed, Chief, I didn't think it mattered."
"Hey, this is *my* ass we're talking about here."
"Well what do *you* suggest Einstein?"
"Erm, well what about the skin-cream we got from that specialist herbal place for you, the non allergenic stuff?"
"That's forty bucks a shot!" Jim gasped.
"Oh and sex with me isn't worth forty bucks a shot?" Blair pouted.
Jim dropped heavily on top of Blair and groaned, "I just want my wicked way, Sandburg, have mercy!"
Blair attempted to sigh dramatically again but realized that his breathing was restricted by two hundred pounds of sentinel. "Well, go get the skin cream then."
"Because *you* want *your* wicked way and because *you're* the one crushing my chest cavity at this very moment."
"So, you're just going to lie there like a...blow up doll?"
"Hey man, since you're obviously the expert on 'blow up dolls', you tell me!"
"That was low."
"Tell it to your plastic pal in the closet."
"How did you know about that?"
"I'm psychic," Blair snorted, "And I screamed the place down one day when I decided to surprise you by spring cleaning the closet."
"No shit. Kinda gave away your sexual orientation too by the way."
"It did huh?"
"Yeah, most straight guys would definitely have chosen a female doll. But hey, maybe we can have a 'threesome' some day?"
"He has a puncture."
"That's okay, I have a puncture repair kit."
"You haven't seen where he has a puncture."
"I'll go get the cream."
"The good stuff."
"The good stuff."
Moments later Jim arrived back at the sofa with the tube of cream, as he flipped the top and pressed hard, the contents arced out and landed on the polished wooden floor with a 'plop'.
"Jeezus Jim, I hope you handle *my* equipment with a little more reverence than that!" Blair gasped.
"Shit!" Jim peered down at the floor, "I hope it doesn't take the varnish off? Hang on while I get a cloth to.."
"Jim! Leave it," Blair snarled, grabbing the errant sentinel by the arm and dragging him back down to the sofa, "You screw me now or I go and find Plastic Percy, with or without an embarrassing puncture."
Suddenly Jim's face broke into a smile, "Aw Sandburg, you say the sweetest things," he began to laugh and pulled Blair into his arms, "We're a bit of a disaster, huh?"
Blair succumbed to the giggles, "Yeah, but it gives us the incentive to practice."
"I love you, Blair. You know that, right?"
"Yeah man, I know that. More than Plastic Percy then?" Blair teased.
"Definitely. You'll never go 'ppppsshhhhttt' when I try to screw you."
"How do you know?" Blair tried to stifle the giggles, "You haven't succeeded yet!"
"Which brings me to..." Jim grinned and tried again with the tube. This time managing to get at least *some* of the cream on his fingers, though most went up the back of the sofa.
Blair jolted as Jim's fingers fumbled to penetrate him, "Oh wow...we have a direct hit!" he gasped at last.
"Hey...Sandburg has a tight little ass!" Jim growled playfully nibbling at a ringed ear.
"You planning to get on with this or is this an internal massage--shit!" Blair suddenly bucked as Jim's fingers hit the spot
Quickly lubeing himself up, Jim lined up and so slowly slid into his partner, until they came to rest panting and breathless against each other.
"Yes...oh hell, Blair"
"Oh Blair." Jim sighed as his brain melted.
"Sorry about the land speed record," Jim mumbled.
"It's okay man, I beat you by fifteen seconds."
Jim Ellison wrapped his partner in his arms, "So, what do you have to say now Mr Smart Mouth Sandburg, now we're officially 'lovers'?"