was cold tonight. Strange, since it was never 'cold' in Oz, with its artificial,
air-conditioned temperature, but tonight, there was definitely a chill in the
Keller sat sullenly in his cell, looking out into the bleakness that was unit B.
so, he was off death row. Big fucking deal. Now he had vicious Vern as a
neighbor once more, and his life had come full circle.
was ironic, he'd decided, that he should end up back with Schillinger. He'd
often wondered what might have happened to him, had Vern Schillinger never come
into his life back in Lardner. The color of the dick up his ass might have been
different, but looking back, maybe he'd have been free of the psychological hold
Schillinger had over him all these years?
was Schillinger's fault that he'd lost Toby in the first place. Schillinger's
fault that he'd admitted to a crime he hadn't committed. Schillinger's fucking
fault that his life was a mess.
maybe not the last reason, but what the hell, blaming that arrogant little Aryan
fuck was better than admitting the truth; that Chris Keller had screwed up his
own life, and that he was responsible for his own destiny.
he missed Toby so much.
owed Tobias Beecher his life, and he'd been sure that getting off Death Row
would make everything all right. He kept telling himself that knowing Toby was
away from Oz, and leading a normal life with his family, should make him feel
hurt being here alone, and even worse, it hurt knowing that Toby was free, and
living without him.
reached the plastic cup from the shelf and hurled it into the corner in blind
dreamed about Toby last night, the man's body warm and willing, lying wrapped in
his arms. Smiling that patient smile, accepting everything that Chris Keller
was, despite knowing the darkest places he'd dwelt.
was real love.
his eyes and breathing in, he was sure could still smell Toby's sweat. His
fingertips tingled with recognition as in his mind he ran them over the pale,
smiling face before him. Suddenly, Toby lunged, and pulled Chris's fingers into
his mouth, sucking gently on each one.
felt his groin tighten, just at the memory. No one in his miserable life had
ever made him feel that way. Sex had never been the answer for him, not really.
He'd never found getting people to have sex with him particularly difficult.
Love was something else entirely. Only Bonnie had ever really loved him the way
Toby did, completely, unconditionally, yet she'd still left him and married
no one loved him like Toby. He'd seen the vile thing that lived inside Chris
Keller, and he'd embraced it.
acceptance, real redemption, was being wrapped up in Tobias Beecher's
unrestrained passion, even if it was just for one night.
do anything to hold you in my arms," Chris hissed to himself, picturing a
smiling Tobias Beecher in his mind once more, "I've killed for you,"
he growled, as his face turned dark, "and you're fucking some schoolteacher
five minutes after you walk away from me!"
slammed his head back into the pillow, "You never really loved me. If you
did, you'd never have left. But I love you, Toby, and I'm going to prove it. I'm
going to get you back, we're gonna be together again. I promise."
the police officer snapped on the 'cuffs, Toby struggled with the tears that
threatened to overcome him. Oddly, it wasn't the thought of going back to Oz
that caused him so much pain, horrible as that was. It wasn't even the fact that
he had to leave his kids again. No, it was the knowledge that Chris Keller had
set him up that was almost too awful to bear.
Keller. The man he just saved from Death Row, the man he loved. How could you do
something like this to someone you loved?
could you?" he whispered to himself, "How the hell could you do this
to me? I'd do anything for you. I'd have died for you, yet you did *this*? Why,
Chris, for fuck's sake, *why*?"
Keller, your girlfriend's back," the hack laughed, as he strolled past the
letting go of the breath he was holding, Chris swallowed hard. He knew what he'd
done was bad, but he *wanted* Tobias Beecher, and that was all that mattered.
Sure, Beecher would be pissed for a time, but he'd get over it. Hell, he'd
gotten over having his arms broken by the man he loved; this would be easy in
he feel sorry for what he'd done? Maybe...
smiling Schillinger slid in beside him at lunch, slapping him on the back.
Keller, I gotta say it, you are one cold bastard," he chuckled, "You
wrote the book, boy, 'How to fuck over Tobias Beecher' Oh, let me count the
ways," Schillinger coughed slightly as the joy twinkled in his cold blue
fuck, Schillinger," Chris spat angrily.
was never the point; he never wanted to fuck Toby over, in any way. He just
wanted him back. Life in Oz was intolerable, but with Toby there, even hating
him, Chris could make it through the day.
I gotta give credit where it's due, you played him like a real two bit whore. It
was genius, pure genius."
to face Schillinger, Chris gritted his teeth, "So, Vern, you didn't die
yet. Why is that?"
momentary flash of uncertainty passed across Schillinger's face, and his smile
stood slowly, and walked away. He knew his strengths, it wasn't what he said
that made people fear him, it was the things he left unsaid; the things that
they knew later became deeds.
drabness of the cell closed in on him as he slid onto the bunk. He needed a new
plan for this chapter of the story. The plot was easy, the death of Vern
Schillinger, and the restoration of the trust, and love between him, and
all really captivating storylines, it needed drama, pathos, and a twist to the
was what Chris Keller did best.
to himself, Chris lay back, and began to put the plot together, piece by bloody
"I'd do anything for you, Toby. Maim, torture, kill for you. Maybe even die for you."
day is going by
thinking about you all the time
you're out there
I'm here waiting
I wrote this letter in my head
so many thing were left unsaid
now you're gone
I can't think straight
could be the one last chance
make you understand
to hold you in my arms
try to make you laugh
I can't put you in the past
to fall asleep with you
you remember me?
won't forget you
we broke all the rules
of dropping out of school
leave this place
never come back
now maybe after all these years
you miss me have no fear
could be the one last chance to make you understand
I just can't let you leave me once again
close my eyes
all I see is you
close my eyes
try to sleep
can't forget you
I'd do anything for you
fall asleep with you
nothing I won't do
fall asleep with you
won't forget you