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"Don't you ever do that again." "Sandburg, I thought I was helping. That you'd appreciate and want it." "You do not know what I want. You haven't a clue. You could never know what I want." "I do know you. Three years, Chief, three years of eating together, working together, night and day, doing everything but sleeping together. I - Do - Know - You." "Oh, yeah? Favorite color?" "Uh, um, er, green?" "Jerk." "Okay, smartass, what's my favorite color?" "Blue. Pale blue." "Shit. How the fuck do you know that?" "Gee, Jim.....Three years of eating together, working together, night and day, doing everything "but" sleeping together...I - Do -Know - You." "Don't get snide and what's my favorite song?" "Easy. And it isn't anything by Santana. It's Nat King Cole - For Sentimental Reasons." "How do you do that?" "Simple. I know you. Three years, night and day...." "Shut up, Sandburg." "Right." "I really thought she'd be perfect for you. And you haven't been seeing anyone lately...." "So you try to set me up with a complete stranger, in an airport, just because she's going to be on the same flight? And Jim - her name was Bambi. Bambi. And she looked like a Bambi. And she talked like a Bambi. Since when is Bambi, Sandburg dating material?" "I was just trying to help. You've been - lonely. I could sense it." "I'm not lonely, Jim. And don't do me anymore favors or I'll do unto you, got it?" "Not a chance, Sandburg. You may know my favorite color - even favorite song, but that's it. You don't know who would be perfect for me." "Trust me, Jim. I know. I could match you up blindfolded. And "Lawrence of Arabia". " "Excuse me?" "Your favorite movie. "Lawrence of Arabia". Tom Clancy - your favorite author. k.d.Lang - your favorite singer. The Watchman - your favorite TV show. And you're a closet Democrat." "Damn. No one knows that much about me. Hell, no one knows that much about anyone." "Three years...night and day....." "Can it, and care to put your money where your mouth is?" "Is that a dare?" "A gentlemen's bet. You up to it?" "Man, you are so easy. Candy from a baby. What are the parameters of the bet?" "God, Sandburg, only you would ask, 'What are the parameters of the bet?'." "Jim? What are the parameters of the bet?" "Between now and our return from Austin, you have to introduce me to someone you think would be perfect for me. If you're right, you win. If you're wrong, I win." "Good thing I trust you. You're such an honorable man. What do I win?" "I do the cooking, cleaning, buying and chauffeuring for one week." "One month and you have a deal." "Two weeks and if I win, you do it all." "Deal. And your favorite animal is the Blue Whale, which I find surprising....I would have thought the Jaguar." "I think it's time we started running a few tests on you, Sandburg." "Ha, Ha....Three years....Eat/work....night/day...." "Stuff it, Sandburg. And the bet starts now."
{American Airlines, Flight 1460 for Dallas/Ft.Worth is now boarding at gate 8} "That's us. Got your boarding pass, Chief?" "Yes, Jim. Luggage checked, ticket in pocket, Dramamine in stomach, coat on back and anal retentive, over-protective detective stuck to hip." "I wish." "What was that, Jim?" "I said, You're a smartass." "You said that before." "It bears repeating. Now move, we're next." "I need a drink." "You can't drink and take Dramamine." "Yes, I can." "Chief, it's 7:00am, and you did take a pill." "Two. I took two. And I need a drink. I hate flying." "You've flown all over the world, Chief. How could you do that if you hated flying?" "Loved flying "then". This is now. Three years of wild helicopter rides thanks to a certain Sentinel who shall remain nameless....and I now hate flying. I mean, look out the window...people look like ants and the buildings look like those little plastic thingy's from Monopoly." "Those are ants, Chief. We haven't left the ground." "And just how many years have you waited to use that Bob Newhart line? Oh, Miss?" {Yes, sir?} "Bloody Mary, please?" "Miss? Make that a virgin Mary." "Jiiiimmmm!" "Don't whine, it's unmanly. And he'll have the virgin Mary." {And you sir?} "I'll have the Bloody Mary." "That's it. When we get home? I'm leaving you." "Right, Chief. Go to sleep."
{Excuse me, Sir? Will the gentleman want any breakfast?} "Sssh, no. He'll sleep straight through to Dallas." {Yes, sir.}
"Oh, man. Where are we?" "Sleeping Beauty awakes. We're ten minutes out of Dallas/Ft.Worth. How do you feel?" "Nice. Very nice. Maybe flying isn't so bad after all. Why did Simon let me come?" "You are my partner." "It's a convention. A Police Convention. Police. P-o-l-i-c-e. I'm an observer. O-b-s-...." "Don't spell, it's too early for spelling." "Sorry. But I'm not a cop. Taggart should have come, or Connor. Not me." "You did want to come, right? Right?" "Oh, yeah. I'm really looking forward to it....but..." "Chief, you're my - partner. P-a-r-t-n-e-r." "Why are you allowed to spell? And you're the Detective of the Year - two years in a row." "Not alone, Chief, not alone." (silence) "Chief?" "Chief?" "I'm stunned. I can't believe you actually paid me a compliment. I'm all choked up here." "No, just drugged." {This is your captain. We are beginning our descent into the Dallas/Ft.Worth area and should be landing right on time.}
"Hey, Jim. What did I miss for breakfast?" "Crispix. I saved you an Orange-Cranberry muffin." "Wow, thanks." "I figured after you came out of the drug induced haze, you'd be hungry." "It's just Dramamine, Jim. Did they have those cute little airline dishes?" "I thought you said you only took two?" "Yep. Just two. So? Did the cereal come in those cute plastic dishes?" "Sandburg, your pupils are dilated. You're stoned! And yes, the dishes were cute." "Aw, Jim! I missed 'em!" "On our return flight, you'll have those cute, little dinner dishes." "Hey, yeah, you're right. Cool."
Three days later: "Chief, got your return ticket?" "Ellison, don't even start." "You're still mad?" (silence) "You are. You're still mad." (silence) "I thought you were bigger than this." (silence) "Are you going to give me the silent treatment all the way home?" (silence) "Hell, I might as well be by myself." (silence) "Okay, I screwed up. I admit it." (silence) "It was - juvenile." (silence) "Thoughtless." (silence) "Insensitive." (silence) "I shouldn't have let it go on.....never let it go so far....." (silence) "It was a - joke. Just a joke." (silence) "Okay, it was a juvenile joke." (silence) "Okay, it was a juvenile, insensitive joke." (silence) "Okay, it was a juvenile, insensitive, thoughtless joke." (silence) "It just happened. I went - with it. I'm sorry." (silence) "I'm scum." (silence) "I'm the scum left by scum." (silence) "I'm less than the scum left by scum." {American Airlines flight 1230 departing Austin for Dallas/Ft.Worth at 3:30pm is now boarding.} "That's us, Chief. Need any help?" (silence) "Guess not."
"You take the window. Did you take your Dramamine?" (silence) "The flight isn't full, want me to move?" (silence) "Too bad. I'm staying right here. This is my seat. Well, technically, you're in my seat, but I'm staying put. I came with you and I'm going back with you. You're my partner - my roommate." (silence) "Does this mean the bets off?" (silence) "If the bet is still on, you don't have much time. And finding the perfect someone for me and introducing them will be a tad difficult if you're not talking." (silence) "Who knew you could be this stubborn? And unforgiving?" (silence)
"Chief? It's been over two hours. We've landed, made our connecting flight, we still have over three and a half hours of flying ahead of us....Talk to me, please?" (silence) "You can keep my little dinner dishes." (silence) "I'm a jerk." (silence) "I'm an anal-retentive, territorial, controlling jerk-scum." (silence) "I know I have should have told you. I should have told you a long time ago." (silence) "It's an important piece of personal information, that I should never have kept from you." (silence) "I wasn't hiding it, exactly. I wasn't afraid of what you'd think, it wasn't about your reaction, really. Blair, it wasn't you. Exactly." (silence) "Where are you going?" (silence) "I'm not moving my legs until you tell me where you're going?" (silence) "Sign language? You're using signs? Well, Fuck you too. So you're going to the restroom? Fine. Let me just say one thing before you go." (silence) "I let it go on.....didn't deny it.... because.... because...... because.... Will you stop tapping your goddamned foot? I let it go on.....because I wanted it to be true. Okay? Now you know. Happy?" (silence) "Go. Go to the bathroom. Do your thing. Don't get flushed."
Five minutes later: <Jim? I know you can hear me. Come here, I need you.> "Blair? What's wrong? Are you okay? WHOA!!!!" "Uh, Blair? This is an airplane lavatory. Kinda cramped, don't you think? Are two people even allowed in one at the same time?" "I win the bet. I found the perfect someone for you. I just need to complete the introductions. Jim Ellison? Meet Blair Jacob Sandburg. Why hello, Detective Ellison. My, you are a big one. By the way, Detective Ellison, have you ever heard of the Mile High Club?" "Blair? How many Dramamine did you take this time? Uh, Blair? What are you doing? Blair? There is no physical way we can do this in here.......okay.....I've been wrong before...you are doing it. By the way? I'm very glad to meet you. At last. No. This is not possible. One of us will get hurt. Can't be done." "Two clever guys, like us? Two clever, persistant, horny men? I suspect we can do anything. WHOA!!!! OUCH!!!! Okay, the sink is good. I can manage this, cold - hard - but, hey, HEY!!! JIM!!! oh. zipper. yeah. oh my. you're, you can't be comfortable....are you comfortable? OH GOD - Ellison? You're...um, er....oh god, amazing....JIMMMMM!"
"Eileen, I'm telling you, there are two men in there." "I'm sure you're wrong, Michelle. Why would two men be in the lavatory at the same time? Together?" "Eileen, I really worry about you. Just what do you think two men would be doing in there?" "Oh. Oh, my. Oh, my, goodness. Maybe we should...." "Should what? Listen?" "I was thinking more of - guarding. And listening."
"Oh, excuse me, ladies. Uh, you probably think this is strange?" "Not at all, young man. You were apparently having difficulties with your....Michelle? What was he having difficulties with again?" "His zipper. The young man was having a zipper problem. And you, sir, so thoughtful. To help him. These bathrooms are so cramped. And you're so tall." "Yes, er, thank you. Excuse us? We'll just head, I mean, go back to our seats."
"Oh, my. So handsome. So beautiful." "Yes, they make a lovely couple, don't they?" "Quite. I love these Americans."
"Well, that was new and different. So, Chief, we members of this Mile High Club now?" "Oh, yeah, charter members and I just elected you CEO. You okay? Not too stiff....or anything?" "Sandburg......" "Just checking. So. I think I should tell you - I don't like the expression, "Significant Other."" "I'm not the one who used it, Chief. Jake Preston used it. He's the one who asked me if you were my....." "Significant Other? Boy Toy?" "Blair....I am sorry. I should have corrected him immediately. But...." "I know. You wanted it to be true. I forgive you. But I prefer "life partner", okay? And you tell some jerk named Jake Preston that you're gay, but not me?" "I never told him. He just....picked it up. We worked Vice together when I first joined the force. He was a dickhead then and he's a dickhead now. And he took one look at you....." "And knew I was perfect for you?" "No. Knew you were my "Boytoy". "Oh, man, you are so asking for it." "Yep. Exactly." "So. Am I your Boy Toy or life partner?" "Can't you be both? I've always wanted a boy toy....." "Don't pout. It's unmanly. And I'll be thirty in two months. Too old for boytoy. Shall we call it quits now?" "Hell, no. You qualify for two more months." "Then you dump me for a younger toy?" "I don't know. I've developed a kind of abiding tolerance for you....." "Yeah, yeah, you and Simon." "Simon, my foot. You are mine." "Now there's the anal retentive, territorial, controlling jerk scum that I've come to know and love." "Do you?" "Yep. You?" "Yep. And there was something about me you didn't know, after all." "No there wasn't." "Blair, there was no way you knew I was gay. None. Period." "Wrong. I'll prove it. That's the real reason you left home." "Shit. How do you do that?" "Anthropologists trade secret." "What about you?" "What about me?" "Have you ever?" "No. Is that a problem?" "Not so far."
{This is your Captain and we'll be landing in Cascade as scheduled and thank you for choosing American Airlines.}
"Home." "Home." "Bed." "Bed."
"Blair?" "Um?" "You awake?" "Um...." "Mountains of the Moon. Your favorite movie. Rex Stout, favorite author. Michelle Pheiffer, favorite actress, Gary Cooper, favorite actor, Mariah Carey, favorite singer.....Nat King Cole's The Very Thought of You, favorite recording...and Dolphin, your favorite animal...which is surprising....I'd have thought it was the wolf." "Jim, I could get to like you." "Same here, but it'll take several years....." "Oh, yeah, years and years and years. Years of living together, working together....." "Eating together, playing together....." "Everything together.....especially....." "Sleeping together." "Amen." FINIS.
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