Rating: G

Pairings: J/B

Series/Sequel: Sequel to "How 'Bout That: Sentinel"

Warnings: m/m, song lyrics

Archive category: Romance

Disclaimers: All recognizable Sentinel characters are copyright of Pet Fly Productions and Paramount. No infringement intended on my part....just doing some wishful thinking. :-)

The lyrics to "How 'Bout That" are copyright to Bad Company and their record label.

Author's notes: This is a companion piece to "How 'Bout That: Sentinel", which takes place on the same night, this time from Blair's POV.

Many thanks once again to CJ for her beta-reading help and most importantly, for her friendship.

Date completed: September 14, 1999

Summary: While Jim sleeps, Blair takes time to reflect on their love and how it's changed him.



How 'Bout That: Guide

by Barbara Nice-Miller






Last night, when the moon was new

I couldn't sleep, I was thinking of you

And how much I need you

How 'bout that



I love this time of night. You've no idea that sometimes I purposely stay awake, waiting for you to fall asleep so that I can just...look at you. When you're the most vulnerable, unguarded. Your face loses the stress lines that built up during the day, your muscles aren't tense anymore. Even your heightened senses seem to take a break, not warning you that I'm awake and watching you. You're finally relaxed. And you should be, after what we did tonight.

I can't help the stupid grin that breaks out when I think about our lovemaking, and I run my hand softly down the broad expanse of your chest. My body is practically covering yours from neck to feet. My head's on your shoulder, our legs are tangled together, my arms around your waist, yours around my shoulders, holding me close, and I'm holding on to you just as tightly.

Holding on.

That's not something I'm used to doing. Why bother? Since I was a kid I knew I'd never be in one place for very long. Not with Naomi for a mom. So why set myself up to get hurt by getting attached? It was just better for me to keep everyone at a distance.

Then you were practically dropped in my lap. So much for distance.

And now I'm scared, because I want to hold on...but I don't know how. Old habits are hard to break, and I'm scared that I'm gonna screw this up, the best thing that's ever happened to me. Scared that it'll all fall apart. And I'll be alone. Again.



Used to spend my life on the town

Took your loving to turn me around

I'm crazy about you

How 'bout that



I didn't realize how hard I was fighting my attraction to you, not wanting to hold on, get attached. Because sooner or later I figured I'd outstay my welcome and out the door I'd go. So instead I was quite the womanizer. I know I made a crack to you about not dating the same woman more than twice, but look at me. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Or a dog that would jump a table leg. Take your pick.

Finally, after you'd had enough of my running around, you made me listen to what my heart had been trying to tell me for a long time. That what I needed was right here at home.

It was time to stop being "Love 'em and Leave 'em" Sandburg and time to start settling down. With one person.




People used to tell you I'm a crazy fool

But you taught me more than I could learn in school

I really need you, baby

How 'bout that



I used to be a pretty crazy guy, as anyone at Rainier can tell you. I was fearless on expeditions, taking crazy chances and walking headlong into dangerous situations where "the natives were restless" just so I could learn. That's all I've ever wanted to do. My thirst for knowledge has always been insatiable. And I thought I was pretty damn smart, but then you brought me into your life and boy, did you teach me a thing or two.

Namely that my world of books and classrooms could never have prepared me for the violence that makes up your world. You taught me it's a cruel place out there, and to expect the unexpected, but also that I could handle anything that came my way.

With that knowledge came change, though. I mean, how could everything I've seen and done over the last four years not affect me? I know I've lost some of my spark, my bounce, that I'm not some wide-eyed naive grad student anymore. Though there are days I wish I still was, let me tell you. I think I've matured, but I know you don't see it that way. I can see it in your eyes. I think you're worried that I'm becoming too jaded, too cynical, too...subdued. Too much like you. Like you've taught me too much.

Well, you're wrong.

You've taught me exactly what I needed to know, even though you don't think so. And you're forgetting the most important thing of all that you've taught me: how to hold on.



If ever you need time and space

Don't run away, just tell me face to face

How 'bout that



I know I'm constantly in your face, day in and day out, most of the time pushing and prodding you about your senses, trying not to make you feel like the lab rat you think you are...but not always succeeding.

I drove you away once. You'd finally had enough of me and my tests and theories and the next thing I know you're gone. Instead of talking to me about the way you were feeling, that you needed some time by yourself, you ran away. God, that hurt. And what if Simon and I hadn't decided to track you down? Would you've ever told me how crowded I was making you feel? Or would you've just kept disappearing every so often?

We've moved past that now, but I need to make sure you know you don't have to make up some excuse if you need time alone. For god's sake, just tell me. We're both independent guys, and before we met we were used to being alone. Trust me, I know how it is when you just need to go. And I need you to know I understand, and that I'll always be here, waiting for you. No matter how long it takes.



When I think back, how it used to be

Before we met, it's just a mystery

I can't live without you, no

How 'bout that



I never realized how much I missed having a real home till you let me move in with you, and let me stay waaaay longer than that week. As a kid, it was exciting to me to move around a lot, meet new people, see new things. Probably why I picked anthropology as my career. And even as I got older I still loved to travel. And even though I was always surrounded by friends and colleagues...they couldn't compare to having a home and sharing it with someone I could call my family.

I never thought living next door to a drug lab and having my apartment blow up could be considered a good thing. But it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Because when the smoke cleared, I'd found a home.

And now that I've got one, and someone to share it with, I could never go back to how it was before we met - bouncing from place to place, living out of my backpack.

I can't live without all you've given me.

Hell, I can't live without you.



You've got my heart

And you got my soul

You've got my whole life under control

Looks like we made it

How 'bout that



You own me, heart and soul, you know that? I never thought I'd be anywhere long enough or love someone enough to even think about giving my heart away. Then you slammed me up against a wall and I couldn't give it to you fast enough.

Man, was that a strange way to start a relationship or what?

You just oozed "control freak" from Day One, but I bet you think I'm the one in control, don't you? And I guess in a small way I am, if you're talking about your senses. You let me be in control (after the obligatory argument on your part, of course) and look to me for answers.

But when it comes to the most important things, you're the one in control. Of my destiny, of my future...I know that sounds corny as hell, but it's true. Finding a living, breathing Sentinel was amazing enough, but finding one that would let me tag along and study him was a dream come true. And I'd follow you anywhere for this opportunity. So you really are in control, taking me places and showing me things I never would've experienced behind a desk at Rainier.

I'd be lying if I said these last four years of new experiences have been nothing but one good time after another, though. There's been a lot of rough spots and struggles along the way, and we nearly lost each other more than once.

But here we are, in each other's arms, and I think that says a lot about how committed we are to making this work, how much we believe this relationship is worth fighting for.

How much we love each other.



Every time I see your face

It lightens up the whole damn place

I wanna see this whole thing through

There's nothing I won't do for you

How 'bout that



I could be having the absolute worst day, but the minute I see you and you flash me that blinding smile, it's like you just lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders. Yeah, yeah, I know, that sounds sappy, too, but it's true. You're always there to help me, to share the burden, like I shouldn't have to deal with things myself.

That's what partners are for, right? To always be there for each other no matter what, to look out for each other, help each other, protect each other.

I know I named you my Blessed Protector, but that goes both ways, Ok? There is nothing I won't do for you. Whether that means racing headlong into a firefight or jumping out of a plane or helping you with your senses or just being there to listen if you need to talk, I'll do it.

'Cause I'm gonna hold on to you, to us, for a very long time.

And when I put my mind to something I'm nothing if not committed. And I'm committed to our love more than anything else in my life.



Last night, when the moon was new

I couldn't sleep, I was there, looking at you

I'm glad that I found you

How 'bout that



Did you ever stop to think about all the things that had to happen for us to find each other? Pretty mind-boggling, ain't it? I mean, what are the chances that of all the places in the world we'd both be living in Cascade, and that I just happen to be studying Sentinels, and that I was dating that nurse, and that she remembered what I was doing my doctorate on, and that she faxed me your file? One in a million, man. One in a million.

Call it fate, destiny, divine intervention...I don't care. I just know that something or someone wanted us to find each other. And thank god, because it scares me to death to think what would've happened to you otherwise. With no one there who knew what was happening to you? Would you've eventually gone into a permanent zone-out, trapped forever in your own mind? Been stripped of your badge because you couldn't function as a cop anymore? Been institutionalized by Simon or Carolyn or Stephen as they, and maybe even you, feared for your sanity?

Jesus, Jim.

I press myself even closer to you, shifting till I can hear your heart beating beneath my ear, and I've got to force myself to abandon that train of thought. That never happened and it never will, because we did find each other.

And we found more than just each other, too. We found a purpose. I think that this is what we were both born to do. Sentinel and Guide. I can finally put my knowledge to practical use, to help; and you can finally protect your tribe, help your tribe, as you never could before. It's what Sentinel's were born to do, with a Guide by their side, every step of the way.

I don't have a clue what that next step's gonna bring, though. What's around the next corner. No one knows the future. But as long as we're together it doesn't matter. We can take whatever this world throws at us, as long as you hold on to me and I hold on to you.

Love you, Jim.


I must have finally drifted off because the next thing I know, I'm feeling your lips on mine. It takes me a second, blinking the sleep out of my eyes before I smile up at you and say the obvious.

"I love you, you know."

Now it's your turn to smile, making my heart melt all over again as you pull me close and whisper, "Hmm, how 'bout that."



Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated. :-)

Barbara Nice-Miller