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Email #1 - 3-14-99 Naomi, I'm gay.
Email #2 - 3-14-99 Honey, So?
Email #3: 3-15-99 Naomi, I said - I'm gay.
Email #4: 3-16-99 Honey, And I said - So?
Email #5: 3-16-99 Naomi, You don't find this new development a little surprising?
Email #6: 3-16-99 Honey, No.
Email #7: 3-17-99 Naomi, No?
Email #8 - 3-17-99 Honey, No.
Email #9 - 3-18-99 Naomi, You're not even a tiny bit curious?
Email #10: 3-18-9 Honey, Okay - When did you start looking at men "that" way? (happy now?)
Email #11: 3-18-99 Naomi, I'm not and I'm not.
Email #12: 3-19-99 Honey, So when you said you were gay - you meant you were just "joyful"?
Email #13: 3-20-99 Naomi, MOMMMMMMMMM!
Email #14: 3-20-99 Honey, Explain please.
Email #15: 3-20-99 Naomi, Not men - man Just - one - man.
Email #16: 3-20-99 Honey, Oh. Man. Singular.
Email #17: 3-20-99 Naomi, "Very" singular. "Very" single. "Very straight.
Email #18: 3-21-99 Honey, So are you. Single. Straight.
Email #19: 3-21-99 Naomi, Not anymore....Taken. And bent. Over. The kitchen table if I get my way.
Email #20: 3-21-99 Blair Sandburg, BLAIR JACOB SANDBURG! THIS IS YOUR MOTHER YOU'RE TALKING TO! The couch. Softer. Won't get hurt.
Email #21: 3-21-99 Naomi, Yeah, the couch. The chair. The kitchen counter. The hood of the Volvo. My desk. His desk.
Email #22: 3-22-99 Blair Sandburg, Have you no shame? And do you have an aversion to beds?
Email #23: 3-22-99 Naomi, No. And no.
Email#24: 3-23-99 Son, Is is love? Or is it lust?
Email #25: 3-23-99 Naomi, Love. And - lust. Major love. And major - lust.
Email #26: 3-23-99 Son, That's nice.
Email #27: 3-23-99 Naomi, Nice? That's all you have to say? That's nice?
Email #28: 3-23-99 Son, How's this? "It's about damn time."????
Email #29: 3-23-99 Naomi, I've never heard you cuss - ever.
Email #30: 3-23-99 Son, You still haven't heard me.
Email #31: 3-24-99 Naomi, Aren't you going to ask?
Email #32: 3-24-99 Son, No. Know.
Email #33: 3-24-99 Naomi, ??????
Email #34: 3-24-99 Son, Jim.
Email #35: 3-24-99 Naomi, Fuck.
Email #36: 3-24-99 Son, With my blessing.
Email #37: 3-25-99 Naomi, I "mean", how did you know?
Email #38: 3-25-99 Son, Puh-leeeeze....Does transparent ring a bell?
Email #39: 3-25-99 Naomi, No way.
Email #40: 3-25-99 Son, Way.
Email #41: 3-26-99 Naomi, How? When?
Email #41: 3-26-99 Son, The man sits upstairs, pouring over your baby pictures, devouring them actually, listening to every story, asking what you like at 6, 10, 13 and 16, asks about your first date......Eats tongue because it's your favorite food - Blair? That's tongue - okay? Dr. Watson's pet dog could have deduced this.
Email #43: 3-26-99 Son, Well?
Email #47: 3-27-99 Son, Are you there?
Email #48: 3-27-99 Blair, Blair? Honey?
Email #49: 3-28-99 Mom, I needed to process what you said. All I was really asking was how you knew it was Jim I loved and you start talking about baby pictures and tongue. Mom, Jim was flirting with you. You're wrong, Jim doesn't love me. Not that way.
Email #50: 3-28-99 Sweetie, You're my son, but still difficult to read - you hide yourself well, even from me. Jim was not flirting with me.....I was flirting with him...until I saw how he felt about my child.. You still live with him.....he lets you stay, you stay. You still work with him. Everyday. It means more than your own work? Yes. Because it is with him. Because it has become your work? We both know you could have finished your dissertation months and months ago. Stalling? BTW: When are you going to finish?
Email #51: 3-29-99 Sweetie, PS: I believe you are familiar with the story of Ruth? From the Old Testament.
Email #52: 3-30-99 Mom, So, if this were you? What would you do?
Email #53: 3-30-99 Blair, my son, You're asking me for advice? I'm touched. Sweetie, you haven't really needed my help in years...I don't know what to say.
Email #54: 3-30-99 Mom, That's a first.
Email #55: 3-31-99 Son, Smart ass.
Email #56: 3-31-99 Mom, Hope so. And you haven't answered the question.
Email #57: 4-1-99 Son, It's not me. It's you. Tell him.
Email #58: 4-1-99 Mom! I take it that was an April's Fool joke? So not funny. I tell him and I am a fool.
Email #59: 4-1-99 Son, Tell him.
Email #60: 4-1-99 MOM! TELL HIM? ARE YOU &%$# CRAZY?
Email #61: 4-2-99 Blair Sandburg, Don't yell at your mother and watch your language young man....I'm letting go..... And what is your IQ again? You know that mass contained within your skull? Use it.
Email #62: 4-2-99 Mom, sorry. and you sound like, pardon me, read like a real mother. s
Email #63: 4-2-99 Son, I can call you that because I am a real mother, your real mother.....and you're just changing the subject. Tell him. And you're not too old and you're not too big for me to put over my knee and spank you....<g>
Email #64: 4-3-99 Mom, Yes I am and no you won't.
Email #65: 4-4-99 Son, TELL HIM. DO NOT CRAWL. DO NOT WALK. RUN. TO HIM. HE LOVES YOU. YOU NEED HIM. Listen to your mother.
Email #66: 4-4-99 Ms. Sandburg, Who are you and what have you done with my mother? What form of alien species are you and are you interested in spending time with a human anthropologist?
Email #67: 4-5-99 Son, <g>
Email #68: 4-6-99 Mom, Have you forgotten that he is a cop? A policeman? A pig? The enemy? What will your friends say? You could lose your status as the one - true - flowerchild - of - the - millenium.......
Email #69: 4-6-99 Son, Since when do I care what anyone says about us? About you? About me? He's the person my son loves. And I'd be proud to have him as my son.....in-law.
Email #70: 4-7-99
MOM! MOTHER! MOMMY! Just kidding with the "mommy"......but how in the Hell did I go from admitting that I love Jim to Jim becoming your son.....in-law? We are not getting married. We aren't even we. Or us. And mom? Thank you.
Email #71: 4-7-99 Sweetie, I love you. I've processed the fact that my beautiful son is working with the police, endangering himself everyday....I'm - okay with it. And Jim loves you so dearly, can't you see it? And I know he'll keep my baby safe. Now tell him. That's an order from your mother.
Email #72: 4-8-99 Son, Blair?
Email #73: 4-9-99 Blair, Son?
Email #74: 4-10-99 mom, I can't. You could be wrong. Not saying it makes it.....not so. I can live with this. But if I say it and he doesn't......see? Now, without telling him there is hope, fantasy. Tell him and all hope goes.....there is only RL. Does that make any sense? I admit it....I'm thinking with my head right now.
Email #75: 4-10-99 BLAIR, THIS IS YOUR MOTHER TALKING. I am part of an unique group of people. I should tell you that we are never wrong. Mothers - are - never - wrong. It's a rule. Father may know best but mothers are never wrong.....come to think it....mothers know best too. Mothers know everything. And start thinking from a little lower, like below the waist. TELL HIM TODAY.
Email #76: 4-10-99 Mom, Thinking from below the waist is something we guys are kinda famous for, you know? And it's 2:30am.
Email #77: 4-11-99 Son, Not here. Famous is good. Use your southern brain and march up those stairs (wear those sexy silk, navy blue briefs) and tell him. And don't forget: Brush your teeth first and use a good deodorant.
Email #78: 4-10-99 Mom, MOM!!!! Jeesh. You really think the navy blue? <wg>
Email #79: 4-11-99 Son, GO NOW!
Email #80: 4-10-99 Mom, Going. thanks. love you.
Email #81: 4-11-99 Blair, son, Love is fine - but what I really want is a detailed report tomorrow. NOW GO.
Email #82: 4-10-99 Mom, deal. gone.
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