Musings in a Mausoleum

By K9



Giles clutched the crucifix and sighed. How bad could a Watcher's luck get? Halloween and stuck in a vault with *the* most annoying vampire ever to spew from hells bowels.


Spike paced the limited floor space like a caged tiger.

'What a bloody nightmare, of all the people to get stuck in a vault with on the party night of the year. A Watcher. Never a nice juicy virgin around when you want one, is there?'


"Do you have to do that?" Giles asked wearily.

"Do what?" Spike growled.

"Keep pacing? It's frightfully annoying."


"You really are quite objectionable, you know. Even for a vampire."

Spike smirked, "Why thank you, Rupie, you say the nicest things sometimes."

"How did you manage to lock us in here anyway?" Giles asked irritably.

Stopping dead in his tracks, the vampire turned angrily to face the Watcher, "That wasn't my fault, that was your damned slayer. Interfering little shit!"

"She's just doing her job."

"So was I! I'd just popped out for take out and as I tried to actually take him *out*, that bloody girl stepped in and snatched him from under my nose." Spike kicked the door angrily, "I'm sodding starving here!"

Giles lifted the cross and set his jaw determinedly.

"Oh, put that bloody thing away," the vampire sighed, "You really think I fancy nibbling on *your* neck when there are all those nice tasty young things trick or treating out there?" he pulled a disgusted face, "Yuck!"

"Oh I do apologise," Giles snorted, "I'm so sorry that I'm not to your taste."

"I like 'em young, okay?"


An icy silence descended. Giles leaned back against the wall of the vault and shivered.

"God, it's cold in here," he grumbled.

"That's because you're supposed to be dead to appreciate the general ambience of these places."

"Yes, well you'd know all about that now, wouldn't you?"

"Look," Spike stood hands on hips, "Being dead has had a lot of bad press lately, but you know what? There are worse things. Like...being a chat show host."

"Oh, bigoted as well as demonic?"


Giles nodded slowly, "Can't say I disagree mind," he muttered.

Spikes pale face broke into a smile, "Bigoted as well as stuffy?"

"Only against chat show hosts so that doesn't count."

"I'm with you there."

Hoisting himself up onto the heavy and ornate coffin in the centre of the room, Spike sat down, dangling his feet and absently kicking the tomb.

"Isn't that rather disrespectful?" Giles asked with a degree of discomfort.

"Why? He's not in. He's out partying I should be!"

"Are you telling me that one of this towns oldest and most respected now a vampire?" Giles gasped.

"Yeah. Doesn't hang with my crowd of course, too classy for us. No, he only hunts in the wealthy part of town," the blonde vampire kicked the coffin angrily, "So there you have it, Rupie old mate. Class really does follow you to your grave."

"Good heavens!"

"Hell, I could kill for a nice sixteen year old right now," Spike mused, "That's a very good year you know?"

"No, I didn't. But thank you for informing me."

"Oh yes. Blood, like wine, can have bad years. Or in the case of the sixties, bad decades. All that acid played hell on the circulatory system," Spike pulled a face, "Two sixties love children and I'm tripping for a week!"

"How terrible for you," Giles 'tutted', "I had no idea it was difficult being a member of the demonic undead?"

"It's a curse, mate."


A few quiet moments struggled by.

"So, why did you become a Watcher anyway? Seems like a seriously boring job to me? I mean, I know you're a pretty boring bloke, but still...a Watcher?"

Giles puffed out his chest, "It was my destiny," he stated.

"Oh. So which demon did you piss off to get that legacy then?"

"That had nothing to do with it!"

Spike smirked, "I thought so. I always knew there was more to you. I know a soul touched by evil when I smell it," he chuckled, "Yeah...quiet ones are always the worst!"

The Watcher glared at the chuckling vampire, "I've paid my dues for what happened," he said coldly.

"Some dues are never fully paid up, mate," Spike waggled his finger, "Mark my words, it'll end in tears."

"Drop dead."

"Already have."

"What would you know," Giles growled.

"Oh? Sorry. So being dead and a vampire isn't enough to fully grasp your problems? Well, excuuuuse me!"

I was young and foolish and I paid the price," Giles said sadly, absently picking at his nails.

"Been there, done that," Spike sighed, "So, you in this job for life then?"

"Yes, my place is at my slayers side."

A grin crept across the vampires face, "You fancy her, don't you?" he gasped.

Giles looked up in astonishment, "Don't be ridiculous!" he raged.

"Yes you do. I can see it on your face. Well, well, who'd have thought it?" Spike chuckled, "So, you get into her knickers yet?" he sniggered.

The Watcher sprang to his feet angrily, "Why don't you just shut up and keep your sordid little opinions to yourself?" he snarled, moving in close to the vampires face. All at once, forgetting his concerns as to the slim 'young' man's demonic power and voracious appetite for blood.

"What? Did I hit a nerve there, 'old man'? She doesn't know does she?"

"There's nothing to know."

"I'm sure if you asked her she'd be interested. I mean, you're not a bad looking bloke," Spike said calmly, "I've had worse anyway," he muttered.

Giles came to a halt, " 'Had'?" he asked, despite the fact that his common sense was screaming 'You really don't want to know!'


"Had how?"

"Well," Spike began, "I've bitten a few and I've buggered a few," he grinned.

Giles paled slightly, "Oh."

"Look, after a century or so, you experiment, okay?"

"Yes, yes.." Giles stuttered, "Yes, I understand." The Watcher rubbed his temple vigorously, hoping that the image forming in his mind would quickly pass. The vivid image of the slim 'young' man before him, writhing beneath him, long fingers exploring his heated body, intimate caresses...

"Oh my gawd," Spike exclaimed suddenly, "I have misjudged you, haven't I?"


"You," the vampire grinned mischievously, "You sly old dog!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Giles looked away as his cheeks flushed hotly.

"Crap! You're *lusting*...after me" Spike hooted.

Now totally flustered and fast running out of suitable insults, Giles rounded on the vampire again, "Don't flatter yourself," he snapped.

Spike continued to chuckle to himself like a small boy who'd just been told a wicked secret and couldn't wait to spread it around. "Oh, tonight might not be so bad after all," he sniggered, "You like to top or are you flexible on the matter?"

Exasperated, Giles threw himself back down against the wall and quietly fumed.

"I can see you being a top myself," Spike continued joyously, "Always want to be in control, eh Rupie?" he kneeled down in front of the Watcher and smiled, "Like 'em to beg for more? Oh Rupert, do it harder, more please!"

"Go..fuck!" Giles spat.

"Ooh, well that's not very gentlemanly, is it?" Spike sprang to his feet and almost did a happy dance around the crypt, "And I thought tonight was going to be a waste of time. But that little nugget of information should keep me amused for...oooh...centuries."

Giles closed his eyes and took a breath, "I hate you," he said with true feeling.

"I know, Rupie. But, isn't it kinda nice to feel all that passion for a change? Something that shifts your tedious little world and turns it on it's head? Go on, admit it?"

Opening his eyes, Giles stared up at the blonde vampire. Damn him to hell if he wasn't right. There were times when being a Watcher was all Giles was any more. As though somewhere amidst all the training and the slaying and the battling evil, he'd forgotten how to simply be...a man.

"It's not easy being a martyr, is it Rupie?" Spike taunted, moving closer, "It's never easy to see something every day and want it so badly that it makes your soul ache, knowing that you'll always be denied that one thing. Oh, not by society or by some rulebook, but by yourself. That's it isn't it? You want your slayer so badly it wounds you."


"And then there's the stirring in your loins you're getting for me. Now, that really scares you, doesn't it Rupie? I'm the enemy, the undead, a creature not even a man. But, you still want me. Ain't life a bitch?" Spike smiled. He was inches from Giles' face, so close he could feel the breath on his face. Close enough to see the fear and excitement in those pale eyes, "Scared?" he whispered.

"No," Giles replied.

With a grin, Spike leaned forward and softly brushed his lips across the other man's, barely tasting, just enough to register as a touch.

Suddenly, a shout from outside the crypt made both men jump.

"That's one of my boys, Rupie. They've come to get me out. I'd suggest you hide, they don't have my impeccable manners when it comes to humans,"

Spike warned. He brushed his fingers across Giles' face, before hurling him to his feet and shoving him behind the centre stone, just as the heavy door opened.

"About bloody time!" he growled.

The other vampires grunted and hurried away.

As he strolled out of the crypt, leaving the door ajar, Spike shot a look back inside.

"Be seeing you Rupie," he purred.


The End