Rat Dreams

by Sigrina

Aphrodite was filing her already perfect nails, contemplating her lot. Life was *so* boring these days. Nobody worshipped her, nobody petitioned her.

Life was just one long drag. And she had this *huge* headache. Probably going to be an earthquake somewhere soon.

Idly, she sent began scanning the minds of the little mortals crawling over the Earth. Most of them were completely dullsville. But occasionally she found something of interest. here. Something caught her attention. A mortal asleep upon a couch was having an erotic dream that was quite hot. Much of the dream was a mangled hash of old porno movies, but underneath that was a deep vein of sensuality that gave Aphrodite a mild thrill. Somewhere in that dream were memories. Angsty, guilt-filled, *hot* memories.

She delved deeper into the dream. But it was almost as if the sleeper was aware of her presence. His dream began to fragment, leaving 'Dite with vague impressions of rats and leather jackets.

Never mind, the little mortal had entertained her for a few minutes. It was quite an achievement in this day-and-age! Aphrodite was determined to reward him.

Fox Mulder awoke to the sensation that he was being watched. There in front of him was a woman. And what a woman! Blonde, gorgeous and barely dressed. Of course she was also translucent, but you couldn't have everything.

'Hey, Mortal! Are you awake?'

The voice could do with some work, Mulder decided. A bit too Valley for his tastes.

'Hey, I get bored easily, ya know.'

'Sorry.' Why was he apologising to a figment of his imagination?

'Yeah, well, never mind that. Look, I decided to fulfil your deepest desire, okay? 'Cos you're kinda cute and your dream was hot! Now, close your eyes and wish for your heart's desire.'


Many, many miles away, Cupid was spying with growing incredulity on the erotic dreams of an ageing gerbil. Wow, that gerbil was hot! Cupid hasn't seen a dream like that in...well, actually, he'd *never* seen a dream like that! And the dream was obviously based on memories.

Cupid was impressed. Even Iolaus hadn't had memories like that!

But the memories were old. The object of the gerbil's dreaming had left him years ago to chase rapidly retreating fame. And the gerbil had never seen him again.

Cupid decided that something needed to be done. This could have been the love story of this century if Fate hadn't have intervened. He was going to put things right. He concentrated on the image of the gerbil's lost love.


Two streams of godly power swirled across the world, searching, locating. Two leather-jacketed ratfinks were found, oddly enough in the same ill-lit alleyway. Both caught up in transportation spells and sent on the way to two lovelorn dreamers...


Fox Mulder woke with a start to the sound of a knock on his door. As he collected his gun and headed towards the door he shook off the odd ending of his dream.

He opened the door rapidly, gun pointing at...

...a small, elderly rat in a tatty leather jacket stared at him in alarm.

'Yeeah! Say, is that a gun in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?'

'What the hell... Who the hell are you?' I'm still dreaming, Mulder told himself.

'The name's Roland. Maybe you've heard of me? I was almost famous once.'


Mother and son looked down from Olympus on the scene. They turned to each other and spoke as one:



Kevin the gerbil stared at the dark-haired, green-eyed, leather-jacketed human who had suddenly appeared in his living room.

After rushing around brandishing a nasty-looking gun for a while, the human settled down in front of Kevin and absently began to stroke his back.

Kevin sighed blissfully. It had been years since anyone had touched him at all.

The human didn't have much fur, but, Kevin decided, beggars couldn't be choosers. And he *did* have cute green eyes and there *was* something almost...ratlike...about him.

The gerbil had no idea where the human had come from. But maybe he'd keep him...