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The day was finally over and everyone was gathered at Alyoops Pub and Dart Bar (Yeah, DART bar!). The beer and pretzels were flowing like, well, beer and pretzels and everyone was talking and laughing except Ryf who sat in the middle of the crowd, head in his hands and repeating the same three words over and over again. "I missed it. I missed it. I missed it." Several other members of Major Crimes had brought Ryf to the favorite cop hang-out because he had been in Seattle when it had finally happened and they were now going to bring him up to speed on the how and when of the....it. "They" included Ryf's partner, Henri "H" Brown, Captain Joel Taggert, Captain Simon Banks, Aussie exchange whatever, Megan Connors, Officer Lucy Denton, her brother Paul and his girlfriend Tommie Costas. No one was feeling any pain as several pitchers of brew had already been greedily consumed and the noise at the table had increased with each completed pitcher. Suddenly Officer Lucy Denton stood up and favored the group with a loud, piercing wolf whistle. Officer Denton was a petite blonde and because of what she wasn't, a tall, leggy redhead with big....um...you know.....breasts, she was constantly kept in the background. But with her very loud whistle everyone at the table stopped what they were doing and looked up expectantly. "Ok you guys, I'm gonna start this story for Ryf because I was there at the begining...". A chorus of voices interrupted her. "We were all there Lucy!" "Yeah, but I was there at the end of the begining while you guys were busy mopping up the bad guys." Everyone had to agree with her there, so Lucy dived in. "Ok, Ryf, picture this. We are all in the parking lot of the closed down A & W on Frankli..." Ryf interrupted her... "They closed down my A & W? Oh man, first I miss the big event then I find out they closed the only A & W in Cascade....". "Ryf, do you want to hear this or not?", Lucy demanded. "Oh, sorry. Go on." "Right. So, there we were, surrounding two warring gangs and Jim was standing in full view of said bad guys, trying to negotiate a cease fire....speaking of which, why is it always Jim negotiating these things? Don't the rest of you guys do anything? And why is it called Major Crimes? I mean, if a guy murders someone, is that a minor crime? I don't think so, that is pretty major to me...so who needs "Homicide" or "Robbery? Uh?". A hail of pretzels and voices yelling LUCY! brought the young woman back to the matter at hand. "Sorry, I digress. Anyway, Jim is in full view of the bad guys but he looks really weird, you know? 'Cuz his left arm keeps going up and down, and nobody else can see why except me....I can see Sandburg who is slightly to Jim's left, bent down behind a stack of crates, but he keeps trying to stand up and Jim has his hand on Sandburg's head, his fingers tangled in those curls....", this information is greeted by several moans of vicarious pleasure, "and Jim keeps pushing him down, but Sandburg keeps trying to pop back up so....up/down...up/down, get it?". Everyone is laughing and nodding so Lucy, satisfied, continues... "But then the bad guys decide a truce is out and shooting some of Cascade's finest is in....and the bullets start flying. But Jim just stands there! Like, totally frozen!", Lucy stops, looks around and asks, "Doesn't this seem to happen a lot you guys?". "LUCY!". "Yeah, yeah...So the next thing I know, Sandburg is tackling Jim, the bullets are whizzing overhead and just missing them both. Finally we get the bad guys and that's when things start to get good....", Lucy takes a swig of her beer to the sound of Ryf offering her a hundred bucks to finish the story God Dammit. Lucy swallowed and nodded. "So everyone is busy arresting, cuffing and rights reading but I'm standing a few feet from Jim and Sandburg who are still on the ground. Sandburg is holding Jim and he is....like... "crooning" to him? His voice is so low, melodic and damn sexy, I mean, he practically had me in a trance, and talk about orgasm heaven!" Simon can be heard mumbling, "Been there. Done that...". Lucy goes ahead with her story, but with a few odd looks directed at her Captain. "So, he's crooning come back Jim, listen to my voice, follow it back, come back to me Jim....", Lucy is again interrupted, this time by Joel Taggert. "You know, this has happened before....Do you think it's a "sexual" thing? Like.....", but he is bombarded by pretzels and shouts of JOEL, so he stops and lets Lucy continue. "Sandburg is crooning, I'm very happy, could have used a cigarette at that point, then Jim starts moving and talking, they stand up and Jim asks what happened and I say Sandburg just saved your ass and Sandburg looks like he is about to kill me. Jim turns slowly toward Sandburg and starts advancing and saying how many times do I have to tell you to stay back, out of harm's way...and Sandburg keeps moving backwards, holding up his hands and saying whoa big guy.....". Megan intterrupts this time, "Don't you guys just love it when Sandy calls him "Big Guy"?". The chorus yells, "NO! AND WE HATE IT WHEN YOU CALL HIM SANDY. IT'S SANDBURG, OR BLAIR, OR CHIEF, OR HAIRBOY OR SHORTEYES, BUT NOT SANDY!". Megan is put in her place and Lucy quickly continues. "Suddenly Sandburg starts bowing, arms going up and down and saying Yes Master, Yes Oh Great One, and Jim yells I'M SERIOUS HERE SANDBURG. And now Sandburg is angry and starts moving toward Jim, right hand jabbing in the air and he says NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU OVERGROWN GI JOE, YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM, NOT ME. I DON'T HAVE A SUPERMAN COMPLEX, YOU DO. AND AS FAR AS YOUR BEING MY BLESSED PROTECTOR? PHOOEY! I SAVED YOUR ASS FIRST YOU BIG OAF. I SHOULD BE YOUR BLESSED PROTECTOR! WITHOUT ME, YOU WOULDA BEEN ROADKILL!", Lucy takes a big breath and after a second wind continues. "Well....Jim is totally stunned, speechless, his mouth hanging open and Blair...he just walks away, but yells back at Jim AND CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, OR YOU'LL CATCH FLIES!". Lucy sits down then with a very satisfied look. "Ummmm....Is that it? That's the big event?", Ryf asks angrily. "Well, I said I was the end of the begining, now Paul takes over the story. He was with them Saturday night." "Uh, Saturday Night? What does Saturday night have to do......", he is immediately assaulted with pretzels and everyone yells IT HAPPENED SATURDAY NIGHT YOU DOOFUS. "Oh.", Ryf is clearly happy now because one, he knows the end is near and two, he was out of pretzels. All eyes turn to Lucy's brother, Paul. "As some of you know, I work with Blair at Rainier, both of us being Doctoral candidates in Anthropology...(yeah, who knew there would be two Anthropologists with ties to Major Crimes?) and I had been given four tickets to a performance of the Seattle Chamber Orchestra at the University. I immediately thought of Blair, thinking we could double date." Everyone started talking at once...who did Blair take, do we know her and how did it happen if Blair was on a date? "Ok you guys, let Paul explain." Lucy advised. "Anyway, Blair said he would love the tickets and we could get together later to work out the details, so I left the tickets in his office, with a note suggesting who he should ask," Paul smiled wickedly, " I told him to ask Ellison. I had seen the two together several times and it didn't take a genius to see they belonged together." This was followed by Duh's and much forehead slapping. "Yeah, yeah, I know, but they were totally clueless. So anyway, I further wrote that it was obvious how Blair felt about Ellison and that just because they were both straight didn't mean they couldn't love each other." This was greeted by much glass clinking and loud cheers. "Saturday night arrives and Tommie and I had planned to meet Blair and his "date" in front of the concert hall, but Blair showed up alone!" Joel chimed in, "You didn't really think Jim would go to a concert did you?" The pretzels began flying again and just when Taggert was giving serious thought to the '50's mantra of duck and cover, Simon spoke up. "Excuse me Taggert, but just because we're cops doesn't mean we can't appreciate classical music", and with that he humpfd into his cigar. "But", Taggert added, "We're talking about Mr. " The last great group was Santana" Ellison here." Everyone nodded and started talking until Lucy threatened to pull her gun so Paul could finish. Now Lucy may not have had.....big....breasts, but she really knew how to shoot. Everyone quickly shut up. "Ok, so Blair showed up alone.." Tommie interrupted this time, "But boy, did he look fantastic in his tux....hair pulled back, those cute glasses...." her voice trailed off dreamily and a quick look around the table showed several pairs of glazed eyes and lots of heavy breathing, except Paul, who was glowering at his girlfriend. "May I finish Tommie?" (No one missed the sarcasm) "Oh, yeah, sorry sweetie, you know I only have eyes for you." "Umpf...Anyway, I asked Blair where his date was and he admitted that he hadn't had the nerve to invite Jim so it would just be the three of us." "I know this part", Joel yelled, "I was with Jim and Blair in the coffee room when Jim asked Blair what he was doing Saturdaynight and Shorteyes just kinda hemmed and hawed and finally said he had tickets to a concert and did Jim want to go...Jim said no thanks, he would just go home and make like a couch potato." "Wait," Lucy demanded and turned to her brother, "I thought you said Blair didn't invite Jim?" Paul's eyebrows shot up and with the patience one reserves for small children said, "Did you hear any invitation in anything Joel said? Anything that sounded like Hey, Jim, I'd love to take you to a concert Saturday night, then maybe a romantic dinner and later we can make like bunnies? Did you hear anything like that?" Lucy sat down, shaking her head and muttering something about smartass brothers. "So, as I was saying....we went into the concert, found our seats, on the aisle, great view and settled down to enjoy the performance. Unbeknownst to us however, Jim had arrived home and was looking for one of his shirts and started rummaging in Blair's room, apparantly Blair borrows Jim's shirts all the time, and while looking he knocked over some books and the ticket with my note fell out....Ummm we know this cuz Jim told us later, see?" "Oh Paul, let me tell the rest", Tommie says, jumping out of her seat. "Sure sweetie, go ahead." "Oh goodie. Well, the three of us are sitting there, talking. I'm sitting between Blair and Paul with the aisle seat next to Blair obviously empty. Blair and Paul are talking shop when suddenly Paul looks up and gives this great big smile. Well naturally Blair and I have to turn and see what Paul is looking at...And it's Jim. Looking like a GQ cover model. He's looking down at Blair like....well, it's hard to describe, except it was the most beautiful expression anyone could give another person." This remark is greeted with lots of sighs.... "Well Blair just looks up at him, completely dumbfounded, mouth open and Jim smiles and reaches down and gently nudges Blairs mouth shut and says sweetly, "Watch it Chief, you'll catch flies." Then he folds himself down into the seat. Blair starts sputtering as he realizes Jim had to have read the note, but the lights start to go down and Blair is still sputtering so Jim takes his index finger and rests it against Blair's lucious....oompf", Tommie is poked in the ribs by Paul, "I mean lips, just plain old, everyday lips...so the lights go down and we enjoy the show." The beer refills show up so there is a pause while everyone fills up. But finally Tommie is ready to continue. "After the show I suggest we all take a walk around campus. I'm being very clever here, I mean, there is a full moon and the campus is very romantic, lots of little nooks and crannies if you get my drift...", everyone nods except Ryf who says, "Ah, we're tallking about Jim Ellison here...with Sandburg....I mean romantic? Come on guys." Brown looked at his partner, hit him on the side of his head and said, "Exactly Ryf, he - was - with - Sandburg!" "Oh, yeah, sorry." Tommie continued. "We started walking and Paul and I dropped back to give them a little privacy, but stayed close enough to.....ok, spy. They weren't talking, just walking, but Jim seemed to be doing a lot of sniffing, I know, weird. Well suddenly Jim pushed Blair into an alcove and well....let's just say he gave him a major liplock. I mean, we're talking one-great-kiss.. you know? Then Jim stepped away, told Blair to straighten his clothes and told us they were heading home now because they had a "lot of talking" to do....." Brown could be heard mumbling, "Is that what it's called now." Which was followed by much guffawing. "Then Jim grabbed Blair around the waist, thanked us for the tickets and "everything" and Blair just managed a wave and then they were gone. And that's it." Ryf looks around the table very confused and says, "That's it? THAT IS NOT IT, WHAT HAPPENED AT HOME?" Simon put an arm around Ryf's shoulders and said, "Calm down detective, you are a detective aren't you?" Ryf nodded and Simon said, "Then figure it out, Detective."
Now if Jim and Blair had been there that night and were the "Kiss and Tell" types they could have enlightened everyone. They would have told of a surprisingly quiet ride back to the loft in Jim's pick-up, as both agreed to pick up the Volvo the next morning. They would have told of an equally quiet trip up to the loft. Jim would have said that he unlocked the door and ushered Blair in, and that after locking the door he was jumped by a wily anthropologist who pushed him back against the door, reached up and pulled Jim down to his level and planted the greatest kiss of all kissdom on his GI Joe's lips. Then after what seemed like hours, Blair released Jim and his tongue, turned and started walking to the stairs and his new bedroom, removing his tie, dropping cufflinks, cummerbund, dress shirt, belt and halfway up the stairs said in a whisper that "only" Jim could hear, "James, don't bother to straighten your clothes, just take them off. And close your mouth before you catch any flies." finis
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