'Undercover' sounded really
exciting, until Briggs and Louis arrived at the 'Master and Apprentice' in
downtown seedy Soho, on a drizzly Halloween evening. The scene that greeted them
was positively breathtaking, as they beheld London's premier gay porn dungeon
open for 'The Halloween Balls'.
They'd received a memo, informing
them that 'something big' was going down at this establishment tonight, All
Hallows Eve, and they really needed the collar,....especially after that little
incident with the Super, and the potted plant.
"Dave?" Bob Louis
swallowed hard, as a man in leather trousers, with no rear panel, walked past,
and winked. "I want to go home."
"Stop being so *wet*,"
Dave Briggs huffed, puffing out his chest, and flexing his poor excuse for
muscles. "We're here to work, remember?"
"Dave, that bloke just
pinched my bum. I want to go home," Bob whined, "I feel like a real
*tit* dressed in this!"
"I suits you, it's very
'macho'," Briggs tried not to smile as he said the words, letting his gaze
rake across the slightly too skinny form of his best friend. Louis was dressed
in leather trousers, which fell just a shade too loosely to be considered either
fashionable, or sexy. A leather waistcoat with no shirt beneath, displaying an
unimpressive pigeon chest, and a heavily studded dog collar lay around his neck,
to which was attached a matching lead.
Bob turned and glared, "I
just want to know *who* decided that *I* was the sub, and got to wear the
"Well, you've got that
'ferrety' face. Men with ferret faces are always 'bottoms'." Briggs smirked
slightly, feeling that his explanation was both reasonable, and sensible.
"Bottom of what?" Louis
Swallowing hard, Briggs cleared
his throat, "Well...you know.." he gestured with his head, and winked
"No, not 'bottom *of*
anything', just 'bottoms'." Briggs enunciated the last word with precision,
and without actually saying it out loud.
"Nothing, it's a lovely
bottom!" Briggs cooed, "That's what I mean, you have the best bottom,
so you get to wear the collar!"
The puzzled look on Louis' face
slowly metamorphosed into a smug grin. "Oh. Well, that's all right
The 'bear' at the door to the
club nodded as Briggs handed over the ticket. He briefly looked both men up, and
down and smiled, a broken toothed leer.
"S and M to the left,
vanilla to the right, 'meat rack' straight ahead," he growled.
Briggs shrugged the leather
jacket he wore, until the collar stood erect against his neck,
"Gotcha!" he sniffed, giving the leash to which Louis was attached a
"Hey, Dave, they've got a
buffet!" Bob whispered, "Good job n'all, I'm starvin'."
"Yeah, he said there was a
meat rack up here somewhere. Wonder if there's any spam sandwiches?"
Briggs shook his head amazedly,
"Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob."
The room was almost dark. The
only light source, a series of dim blue bulbs sunk into the ceiling, giving an
eerie glow. A number of cradles, and slings were anchored to the far wall. One
was currently occupied by a young man; bound, chained, and slung easily for the
taking of any passer-by.
"Why have they got baby
bouncers in here? And swings too, look...is this the crèche?"
"No, Bob. It's
for...well...some men like to be restrained."
"The ones I arrest bloody
"I mean 'restrained' for
"In a baby bouncer?"
"I suppose so, yeah. Lots of
men have these 'baby fantasies', y'see."
Bob Louis thought for a moment,
"So, how does being in a baby bouncer get you all hot, and bothered?"
"No idea mate. Probably
something to do with the 'up and down action.'" Briggs looked around,
"C'mon Fido, let's check out the other rooms."
"Dave, when are we going to
go find the nosh?"
"Don't you ever think about
anything but your stomach?"
"Evening gentlemen, you're
new here aren't you?" a voice said suddenly.
Briggs, and Louis wheeled around
to come face to chest with a solid block of shaved, and polished muscle wearing
little more than a leather thong.
"Erm, yeah. Just checking
the place out, see if it's 'radical' enough for us," Briggs sneered.
"Of course!" Briggs
laughed, finally focussing on the 'Tom Of Finland' jaw, and the almost white
"Great, follow me," the
big man turned around to flash an impressively muscled rear, and wide shoulders,
"We get so few *really* adventurous men in here these days," he
sighed, "It's always a pleasure to find gents like yourself, willing to
push the limits."
Louis poked Briggs in the back
with his finger, "What are you doing?" he hissed.
"Getting us into the 'back
rooms', Bob, where the 'action' goes on!"
"I don't want to see any
'action', I just want a sandwich, and to go home."
"Remember why we're here,
"Because we drew the short
The blonde man opened a heavy,
panelled door, and ushered Briggs, and Louis through. The room contained cages,
crosses with manacles attached, whipping stools, and a very gothic iron bed.
"Would you like a couple of
the boys to help you prepare?" the big man asked, "Oh, sorry...how
silly of me, of course you would, that's your 'thing' right?"
Briggs visibly paled.
From the dimness, two huge
leather-men appeared, heavily muscled, and almost unnaturally good looking, with
moustaches bushy enough to lose a badger in.
"What can we do for you,
The blonde smiled, "Help
them prep for a 'floorshow', if you would?" he suggested with a wink.
"Oh, wow...sure!" Bruno
licked his lips, and looked Briggs, and Louis up, and down appreciatively.
The thud that followed was merely
Detective Bob Louis fainting.
wails echoed through the building, "They're putting electrodes on me
"They're nipple clamps, Bob,
totally harmless. Stop being such a girl!" Briggs smiled as he watched his
partner being manacled to the bed.
"Bob, we're professionals,
we can handle this."
Snorting derisively, Louis
glared, "Huh! 'The Professionals' probably did this kind of thing a lot,
they always looked a bit on the kinky side to me. Get me *out* of here!"
"Just relax, Bob. We might
have to wing this," Briggs whispered as he noticed the growing audience
gathering. He'd decided that this was probably *not* the moment to yell, 'Okay,
police...this is a raid', considering that he, and a manacled Bob Louis, didn't
constitute much of a raiding party.
"Okay, honeybuns, you can
strip now," a leather-clad giant whispered into Briggs' ear, "I'll
help you into your harness. We're all really looking forward to the
The sight was one that would be
talked about in the leather community for many years to come. As the finishing
touches were added to Briggs' ensemble, and a 'ponytail' butt plug inserted,
"Aw, ain't that sweet?"
one audience member sniffled, as Briggs crawled across Louis, and tentatively
leaned into kiss him.
"Worra ya doin'?" Louis
mumbled, as Briggs covered his mouth.
"We have a choice, Bob. We
can play 'hide the sausage' for the entertainment of these good folks, or we can
probably get 'orribly killed after shouting 'Police, you're all under arrest.'
I'll let *you* choose of course."
"Where's back up?"
"Obviously still 'back up'
on the street. Probably down the Dog and Trumpet, if I know Nozzer."
"So, what do we do?"
"It's going to take me hours
to get the feeling back in my nipples," Louis whined, as they unclamped,
unzipped, unclasped, and untied themselves,
"Not to mention how I'm dreading trying to get that big blue bum
plug out!" he winced, and chewed on his lip.
"The one they handed me with
the word 'Coke' down the side. It's amazing what they'll stick advertising on
these days. It was a bugger to get in, I can tell ya!"
Briggs shook his head, "Bob,
that was a can of Coke they gave you....to *drink*. It's so that the
'performers' don't get dehydrated."
"Oh well, *whatever*,"
Louis grumbled, trying to mask the 'popping' sound, and the groan of relief that
accompanied it. "At least we didn't blow our cover!" he hissed.
Suddenly, the blonde giant
slipped his head around the curtain, and smiled benevolently down at the errant
policemen as they fought to get their breath, and extricate themselves from the
"Oh by the way, gents,"
he grinned. "Nozzer sends his love, and the message: 'Gotcha! Happy